Look, I admit it. I thought Elden Ring (opens in new tab) was going to be complete bullshit. In my defense, it was a reasonable position to take: I detest soulslikes, and since this was being built-up in pre-release to be the Ultimate Soulslike Ever, it wasn’t a stretch to wave it away. And when it came time to make a new year’s resolution for 2022, it was an easy joke: I’ll play Elden Ring (opens in new tab).

The time came, I leapt in, and boy, was I right: It was complete bullshit. The tutorial was mildly intriguing, but playing with a controller (which I’d also committed to doing) was a sin against PC gaming. I quickly cast the thumb-crippling contraption aside—and then discovered that Elden Ring’s mouse and keyboard controls suck bananas too. What a surprise! A bullshit game with bullshit controls. Still, a commitment had been made. I soldiered on.

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By nmybx

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